I lay under my covers, closing my eyes as if I am falling asleep. Replaying moments that rupture my peace, alongside email reminders of completions that need to be done by Friday, 11:59 p.m.
The song, “rises the moon” by Liana Flores, plays gracefully beside me. A reminder that even on hard days, the moon will always rise and a new day will begin.
“But after sunlit days, one thing stays the same. Rises the moon,” she sings to me softly.
It’s a weird feeling, knowing time does not stop for you. It will always continue on, even when you want to just freeze and finally breathe. I often feel alone in this, but I recognize everyone else is trying to keep up with the clicking clocks themselves.
I have become close with the moon, a partner that will never leave me and constantly lifting me up.
The moon is my idol, always rising above and shining even on the darkest of days.
Though when something happens that is out of my control, a storm brews through me. Clouds, covering my glow and my light. I have learned to recognize my feelings, while also understanding the clouds will swiftly pass.
***
I am at the age where I feel like I should be ‘actually doing something’. Always wondering if I am lacking or just not allowing fulfillment.
Constantly feeling dimmed by the list of to-dos in my notes app. Check marking all of my bullet points. Phew I finished my work for school, now let me get dressed to go to work.
Once strolling in a bookstore, I came across a card that read,
“The pursuit of perfection is the pursuit of death.”
The card struck something in me, self-awareness of the destructive path ahead of me. If I do not have a shift in mindset, I will only darken my light and opportunities.
It is recognizing my abilities to grow and rise above, even when a storm passes through. Always striving higher and staying radiant, even when I am blocked in my path.
Recognizing the ways I have and will continue to pursue my dreams, and the goals I have accomplished.
I always remind myself that what I believe is what will become. I do stand by that, but sometimes that vision is blocked completely. I do know however, that I am working my way into becoming the woman I dream of, whether I know my path now or not.
I am becoming one who stays present, kind and understanding towards others. Someone who is reliable and always there for the ones I love. It’s recognizing my powers outside of academics and my job. There’s more to me than keeping up with what society deems as most important.
I open my eyes to look out my window, watching as the moonlight spills onto me and my bed. Sending its bright light as a reminder of who I want to become and the possibilities I have ahead of me are up to me to chase.
Tomorrow will come, I will rise with it and the moon will continue to watch.
The moon, a comfort in the chaos.
“Breathe, breathe, breathe,” Liana ends my lullaby.
